Madison- A Year of Learning and Patience

Madison was not where I thought I would end up right out of college. In fact, I purposely avoided it in fear of being labeled "The kid who stayed in Wisconsin." However, when looking for work last summer, I applied for AmeriCorps gigs across America. For months I worried because I wasn't landing any interviews. So I expanded my search. Instead of primarily looking at Chicago, NYC, DC, Seattle, and San Francisco, I applied for Minneapolis, other larger cities in states I had never been to and *cringe* Milwaukee and Madison. It's not that I have anything against Wisconsin. I really don't. It was an awesome place for me- Stevens Point was one of the best decisions of my life thus far and I really grew as a singer, actress, and person here. Nice people. Amazing beer. Met some awesome people and even got a fiance out of the deal. But I knew all along that Wisconsin wasn't where I wanted to spend my life. I also feared being seen as a failure because I didn't go to New York right away.

Anyway- Once I expanded my search, interview requests started coming in. Madison was my first interview and I was offered the job the next day. I accepted and turned down all my other interviews.

It ended up being a good thing, overall. I was close enough to Ben so that we could see each other every couple of weeks. We got extremely close as I leaned on him for emotional support whenever I was down (which was a lot). He helped me through it all and I paid him back in love. October-March I would often end up in tears on the phone. Often times about money, often times about missing Ben or being lonely in general, and often times because I didn't feel fulfilled as an artist.

Occasionally, however, it seemed I would cry for no reason at all. And then I would feel nothing. I am almost positive I was in a depressive state of mind. Luckily, Ben was patient and I am an eternally optimistic person. So we both knew this state of mind would pass.

I enjoyed my AmeriCorps term and loved being a part of these students' lives. I love the feeling on having an impact on the life of another person (no matter how small the impact) and since I have the personality age of an 8 year old, it was a good fit.

I got into my first post college/post summerstock show. Four Season's cast me in their production of "She Loves Me" as a chorus member. It was a lot of fun, artistically satisfying and introduced me to some of the people in the Madison theatre world that I needed to know. I also got the chance to perform at The Bartell which was an amazing space to be able to perform in.

The holidays were spent with Ben's family and after the new year he and I took a trip to Colorado to spend time with me family. I accepted a job with Victoria's Secret and loved how busy it made me. I love a fast paced atmosphere.

February 23rd I got engaged on a cold Saturday morning surrounded by mounds of snow with flurries floating around us. From here, things started looking up. Slowly but surely.

I started wedding plans. Ben and I have started having a lot of fun with it. Vintage Fall Fun in Door County. It shall be amazing! We celebrated our 2 year anniversary in May and he gave me an amazing birthday experience kayaking and getting fancy tea.

I auditioned again. I got into Music Theatre of Madison's "Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson." I met a local playwright who wanted me to be a part of a staged reading. I did the reading and it was a lot of fun! Then rehearsals for Bloody Bloody started. I really pushed myself to be more outgoing and talkative. It served me well because the cast was amazingly kind, fun, and supportive of one another. I haven't been this proud of a role/show/cast since "Playboy of the Western World" at UWSP. I can't gush about this experience enough. So fulfilling and wonderful.

Between engaged fun and Bloody Bloody fun, I felt myself getting back to ME. More enthusiasm, more energy. The summer brought me back to life and gave me the confidence boost I needed before heading to Chicago.

Madison taught me a lot about being lonely. It taught me a lot about life after college. It taught me to be my own entrepreneur. It taught me to seek out what makes me happy and fulfilled. It taught me to take better care of myself. It taught me a lot. But it is time to take what I learned and apply it to my future.

Excited for Chicago. And excited for more artistic endeavors. And excited for another year with Ben. The future looks bright, just have to keep my eyes on the prize.

I really think that this might work...

After a very successful run including our extended weekend, Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson came to a close last weekend. I was so thankful for a extra weekend of it. Not only did it keep me going and fulfilled my need (yes, need) to be onstage, it also gave me more time to be with all of these wonderful artists I met through this process. So much fun! I still haven't REALLY processed that it's over, mostly because I have been so busy since we closed. Here is a recap of our run!

Performances for BBAJ were always wild because it is one of those shows where the audience is CRUCIAL to the show. We fed off of their energy, laughter, shock, etc. BBAJ is also one of those shows where not every audience will laugh in the same places. Some nights there would be uproarious laughter in one spot and then the next night, nothing. You just never knew. It made doing the show every night fresh and exhilarating. The first weekend was a success as was the second weekend. Such a success that we got extended. I got to make out covered in chocolate blood every night. I got to live out my rock'n'roll fantasies by belting out into a microphone. I got to be the loving, but paranoid country wife of the crazed Andrew Jackson. I got to meet AMAZING people who will (hopefully) continue to be my friends and collaborators in the future. I got to be a part of the little show that could. A really random show that not a lot of Madison people had ever heard of. A bizarre, weird, but passionate piece of theatre that could have easily gone wrong, but instead- went SO SO right. And, I believe, not only inspired those of us involved, but also sparked interest of Madison theatre-goers and NON theatre-goers alike. My parents were in the audience on our Thursday performance. We had a Tony Award winner in the audience on our second Friday. A bunch of my friends came on various performances. It was just a plain old good time and I am ridiculously proud to have been a part of it. I am not allowing myself to listen to the recording for awhile because I know it will make me miss it and wish to be back at The Bartell performing. But I thank God I had this opportunity. It really filled me with joy and passion. I can't say enough good things about my experience with Music Theatre of Madison and our production of BBAJ.

When my parents came into town, we spent the day looking at wedding gowns for the first time. We ended up at this cute little boutique where a nice lady let me try on dress after dress. It was so much fun! The only problem- what to choose? Or should I keep looking? What do I want? The four dresses that I really liked are all COMPLETELY different from one another. This is what happens when you are indecisive. It was wonderful to see my parents and I wish I could have spent more time with them.

Ben came to what was supposed to be our final performance. I just love spending time with him. He makes me instantly happy. How does he have such superpowers?

Now, I am all moved out of my Madison house and am couch surfing for the work week until my last day on Friday. Then, I will spend a few days in Point with Ben before moving to Chicago with Cheyanne (an old buddy from my Casper College days) and Matt (a new friend I found via Madison theatre).

Excited AND scared.